confuzed4life

Toilet Humor

2005-11-27T06:40:00.001-08:00

So here in Iraq we have few pleasures. The three toilets that are shared between about 75 people were broken for a couple of months forcing us to use the green porta-johns. About a month ago new toilets were installed with this sign hung over it.

DO NOT FLUSH
YOUR BABY WIPES.
IT CLOGS THE
SYSTEM

ANYMORE CASES OF THE SYSTEM GETTING CLOGGED WITH BABY WIPES WILL RESULT IN THESE TOILETS BEING PUT OFF LIMITS

A few days later all the toilets were clogged and we were back to using the green porta-johns. A couple of the guys thought the signs were not up to GRUNT standards. Some one took a magic marker and changed it to read.

DO NOT FLUSH
YOUR BABIES
IT CLOGS THE
SYSTEM

ANYMORE CASES OF THE SYSTEM GETTING CLOGGED WITH BABIES WILL RESULT IN THESE TOILETS BEING PUT OFF LIMITS

Now they have fixed all the toilets again and have hung a new sign over the toilet. It reads.

ATTENTION!
Nothing but poop and
piss can go into the
new toilets. (no baby
wipes, no toilet
paper

And those guys that are dropping the huge shits let those fricken huge things sit and soften up before you flush and start a higher fiber diet!!!!!!! (Bran cereal, fiber bars, raisins, prunes, green veggies)

Thanx Management

Well that’s about the extent of funny here in a combat zone in Iraq. I am sure if I give them a couple more days the sign will be changed and even worse than this. Who knows I might even be the one that adds to it.

Thanks Giving

2005-11-19T07:08:00.000-08:00

Well, the holidays have started. I just got off of yahoo, where I got to talk to and see my Angels. They are on there way to South Dakota to spend Thanksgiving with my wife’s fiancé and his folks. Most the time I call her my ex but she is still my wife we are only separated and she is engaged. Yes, I am a tad bit bitter still. Not because I love her or even care about her, but because I thought I married someone much better than that. Any way enough on the ex.
I was so happy to see my little girls. They have gotten so big over the last 9 months. They wanted to show me there toys, tell me about there cat, and Hailey the youngest kept pointing at her eye to make sure I knew that a dog had bit her face and given her a black eye. As soon as she saw me frowning on web cam she grinned at me and nodded. She is the tough one of the two. She falls and hurts herself cries then gets up and smiles as long as she knows she has my sympathy. Though my ex can look up my sympathy between shit and syphilis. Ops talking about the ex again.
Then MacKenzie wanted her turn in front of the cam to show me how she can balance her baby doll on her head and make faces at me. She gave me the look she always gives me when she is not impressed with me. Turning her head to the side she puts a hand on her hip and raises her eyebrow at me. Guess where she learned that.
Being in the army I have missed many Thanksgivings. So I will celebrate and give thanks to God with my friends here. We will make jokes and laugh and keep each others spirits up and not think about home except for a phone call or two to the folks and some friends. We will all be home in 54 days many of us will be home in 47.

Can't think of one :P

2005-11-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

Well not much going on. E-mailing friends and family at home to see who is going to help out and who is just saying they will. Got a nanny (inside joke :P) lined up though im still convincing her to start in Jan instead of at the end of Feb. I will get my girls on Feb 1 assuming that my ex-wife doesn’t try to screw me on the technical stuff from the separation agreement on account of the divorce was supposed to be final beginning of December but it wont be till after I get home.

I have been doing a lot of online shopping for furniture for the house. Still haven’t found a place to live. I am looking at renting a house instead of an apartment. Is a King size bed over doing it?

Any way that’s all I have for now. Ill be home in under 60 days :D happy days.

71 days 20 hours 18 mins 21 secs

2005-11-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

Yes im counting the days instead of making the days count. Up until a couple weeks ago I was just going on and doing my job day in and day out. I am now starting to make plans to go back home. Looking for a place to live with my daughters and making arrangements for daycare, school, and travel to and from. I have been looking for furniture and stuff to put into my home so when my girls show up I have simple things to be able to cook and feed them with and keep there clothes washed and have a place for them to sleep. My ex took most of the stuff we had. Not much longer and I will be putting my single father skills to the test. I have been getting a lot of good advice and support from my friends, online and in real life. So thanks for all your help peeps.

Nine Years

2005-10-21T11:16:00.000-07:00

CIB

Well nine years ago on October 22, 1996 I Bobby R S Clarkster Enlisted into the United States Army as an 11B Infantry Soldier. Today after nine years and having earned the rank of Staff Sergeant I received my COMBAT INFANTRYMAN BADGES (CIB). The qualification in which I met the standards for the award were as follows.

a. A soldier must be an Army infantry or special forces officer (SSI 11 or 18) in the grade of colonel or below, or an Army enlisted soldier or warrant officer with an infantry or special forces MOS, who has satisfactorily performed duty while assigned or attached as a member of an infantry, ranger or special forces unit of brigade, regimental or smaller size during any period such unit was engaged in active ground combat, to close with and destroy the enemy with direct fires.

b. A soldier must be personally present and under fire while serving in an assigned infantry or Special Forces primary duty, in a unit engaged in active ground combat to close with and destroy the enemy with direct fires.

SO... What happened do you ask? Well I will tell you about the first time it happened (it being under direct fire from AK-47's and Rocket Propelled Grenade's.) It was a couple months into rotation in March some time. I was ridding in the back of a Bradley Fighting Vehicle (BFV) when we were shot with an RPG that bounced of the hull and blew up a near by dumpster. A hail storm of AK-47 rounds and a few more RPG rounds came at our four vehicles (they missed with all shots except the first RPG.) The BFV’s opened up with 25mm cannons and we didn’t here another thing from the area that night. Yes I know I hide behind 2 feet of armor but what better way to be shot at. That was the first of a few contacts I was in.

The BFV with its impressive M242 25mm "Bushmaster" Chain Gun. An M240C machine gun, mounted to right of the Bushmaster, fires 7.62mm rounds and two TOW Anti-Tank Missiles carried ready to fire in a collapsible, armored launch rack on the left of the turret. Gets me hard to hear it fired.

My Birthday

2005-10-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

Well another year coming to a close. Unlike the traditional new years resolutions made by every other person I do my self reflection on personal accomplishments and short comings on my birthday. So in a couple of days I will turn 29, and this year will be my first time to put my thoughts in writing and post them for all to criticize and read.

Twenty eight if I had to sum up in one phrase that described a large part of my year, it would have to be “A great Loss.” Just after my 28th birthday I discovered that in January of 2005 I would be deploying to Iraq in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom III. Not the best way to start off the year considering I had only been back to the states with my wife and daughters sense June 2004. There I was 4 months after a year long over seas duty assignment in Korea without my family, being told in 3 more months I would have to do another year tour without them. The months went by fast as we had just bought our first house and there was plenty to do to ensure things would be taken care of for the next year.

Two weeks after arriving in country we had our first loss and sent our first injured home. Both friends of mine. One was killed by an explosion the other had his femur broken along with some other injuries and was sent back home. It was a fast hard reminder that we are in a combat zone.

In April a few months after getting here I was told I could take leave and that this would be my only chance. I went home and every thing I had left three months before was completely foreign to me. My daughters were the only things that seemed to not have changed. My leave was a short two week break and was very strange. The warm welcome I thought I would come home to was distant and lukewarm. Half hearted smiles from my wife, a lack of sexual appetite, and what seemed like a desire to not want to be alone with me had me leaving confused and hurt. A week after I got back in country I got the dear Jody e-mail. I am in love with another man I want a divorce. Two months later she says I am one moth pregnant with his kid. The stress from being in this place going home and coming back with that news was to much for me. My job performance diminished and my lack of commitment was evident and I was moved to a lower risk position in which I was not in charge of troops on the battle field.

About June, I along with others took another hard hit. One of our platoon leaders while ridding in his vehicle with his crew was hit by a bomb. It was by far the worst experience of my life. Listening to the events unfold on the radio as I raced through the streets to get to the sene. It was like listening to an announcer on the radio, disbelief of an accident being broad cast live. I will never forget the things I heard and saw that night. “They are trapped inside.” “They can’t get out.” “They are still alive.” “We can’t get to them... the hole thing is in flames.” I won’t go into the details the smells, the sight of my friends remains, there vehicle blackened, tires melted to the ground. It was haunting as they were covered and carried away. Even more haunting was digging through the chard vehicle looking for personal effects and equipment. We laugh about combat stress here. We tell our selves we will beat the odds and come back home safe. When we leave this place and come home we I can’t help but think we will leave part of us here.

This year has been one that I never wish to repeat. I will never forget the events that happened to me. The year for me ends with many promises though. From my divorce I will get both of my daughters. The joy just from seeing them smile from something I did for them is enough that I would repeat this year if I had to for them. From the loss of my friends I have learned to cherish life. I will always remember my friends who gave there life 2Lt NH, Sfc DJS, Cpl WL.

I wrote a poem

2005-09-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

If you have read my blog you know that I am going through some tough times. I have been getting very little sleep the last few months so I spend my time coming up with new ways to muse myself. I decided to write a poem... I have not written any thing like this in about ten years, and the lack of sleep, and its 4:00am, and I need to change my under britches, and I left the coffee pot on back in the states, might explain why it seems rushed. It is just a ruff draft let me know what you think.

Don’t Worry About Me

I look at my two daughters, I tell them that I must go
I try to explain why, as there eyes lose there glow
Why must you go away, they always ask of me
Because daddy is a soldier, I fight so we can be free
But I don’t want to be free, I want you to stay home
Let some body else do it, I don’t want to be alone
I try to ease their worries, I try to ease there pain
I must leave them any way, though my heart it will remain
I will always be with you, I will always be in your heart
And you can always know, that we will never be apart
I tuck them in to bed one last time, for each of them a kiss
Remember daddy loves you, and you I will always miss
My nation calls for me, I’ll leave my family behind
I know that some must do it, this I do not mind
Remember what I give up for you, so that we may be free
Remember what I left, what I don’t have here with me
I ask you pray for my little ones, they do not understand
They don’t quit grasp it, why I fight for this land
I am a soldier, don’t worry about me
I do this, so you don’t have to live in fear or worry

Letter to the Girl Friend I don't have

2005-09-25T01:47:00.000-07:00

While reading a friends Blog today I ran across an entry on her feelings on dating. Stating such things as how when you first start dating someone how perfect they seem, but after a few months something changes. They stop being so polite and revert back to what they know or what they really are. Her idea was that by filling out a lengthy questionnaire you could weed out the mommas boys the over experienced and under skilled. With this idea and while talking with another friend of mine being drilled with questions such as crunchy or smooth peanut butter and rainy days under a blanket or sunny days on a picnic (the important questions of life.) I decided sure I can put a list of all my bad qualities down in righting on my Blog for all to see. Am I shy? Very, but there is something in me that drives me to show both sides of myself good or bad.

So to my future girl friend...

I have 3 piles of clothes I keep on the ground next to my bed clean, dirty, and the ones I just took off. I don’t like to pee standing up unless I am working outside. I am a very poor speller so the grocery list will be hard to read. If you told me once count on telling me another five times at least because I already forgot. If the trash is over flowing and you have started stacking stuff on the side of it I will still wait until you ask me to take it out. If you tell me its time to get out of bed and leave I will still be in bed when you come back. If we are out doing something and I don’t want to be there I’ll continually remind you that I don’t want to be here. If you tell me please don’t forget its important I will forget five minutes later what you said. If I’m watching TV and you tell me to do something I will tell you ok but I will have no clue what you said and come ask you if you told me to do something. You tell me not to touch you and I’ll stick my finger on you like I am your little brother just there to make you mad. If you leave a big hair ball in the bottom of the shower drain I will move it to the side of the sower so as not to deprive you of moving your own hair ball to the trash. I will fart in public and try to blame it on you. I will ride the toy horse or bicycle in the toy department in circles around you while you are mad and calling me a five year old. If I was supposed to be home at a certain time I will be late. Heaven forbid I get sick because I will come crawling out of the bedroom on my hands and knees to the coach and want you to wait on me hand and foot. If you don’t want me to touch your feet I will sit and stair at them plotting ways to make it seem like an accident when I do touch them. If we just watched a scary movie and your scared I will scare the pee out of you.

Please do note that these events would only happen after we moved in together or we had passed the after a few months time frame. Basically I am 28 lazy, forgetful, and I act like I am five years old or your little brother. This is only a few of the things I came up with off the top of my head. I did think of more, some more childish others that I am embarrassed to say about my self. If you think you could live with that then let me know and I will ask you out on a date. If not I hope I can be the comic relief in your life because I love to make people smile and laugh.

Ten Reasons not to go back to Iraq

2005-09-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well here’s ten of the things I miss the most sense I came to Iraq.

10.No country radio stations.
9.You don't get to have a day off.
8.You don't get to watch TV shows, the news, and cartoons.
7.You can't wear civilian clothes.
6.The temperature gets to be 130 in the shade.
5.Your wearing a kevlar helmet every were you go.
4.Their is not enough running water to take a hot shower every day.
3. When you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night you need to wear boots and have a flashlight and a stick to make it to the outhouse 100 feet away.
2.There is no home cooked meals.
1.You don't get to see your kids growing up.

Time for Change

2005-09-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

I am soon going to be facing a turning point in my life. In addition to the stress I have received from being in a combat environment for the last nine months, I will return home in three months divorced. My house will be empty, the dogs having been sold, and my soon to be exwife pregnant with my ex-best friend. After nine years of active duty service in the United Sates Army, I will turn in my Rank of Staff Sergeant and employ myself into the civilian world. I am starting over from all the things that I have known. Being a soldier is who I am, it has been what has defined me for the last nine years as well as being a husband and father. To be prepared expecting the unexpected, to live the army values, to always do the hard right over the easy wrong. These are some of the lessons I will take with me and help to hold my life steady as I make a leap in a new direction. Though I am saddened by the thought of never having to eat another Meal-Ready To-Eat, sleeping in the dirt next to another man who smells just as bad as I do, or getting up at 0500 in the morning to go run 5 miles. I am gladly giving up the life I that I came to love for my two Angels. The thought of my daughters have brought me threw two deployments, Korea for a year and now Iraq. Their pictures and drawings always on my walls. The strength that I have drawn from them to get me from day to day can never be measured. In all of this I fell blessed, knowing that they will be with me when the divorce is final. Their laughter will still fill my house, their movies will still be on the tv, and their toys and little girly things will be scattered every where in my house. I will not mind driving the minivan nor learning to do their hair. I’ll be that guy in the corner of the department store having someone helping me pick out clothes for them so they don’t clash. I’ll learn how to juggle work, getting them to and from school, and coaching their soccer team. I will do and give all that I have for them and pray that I can raise them to have good morals.

Now I sit here in Iraq worried about how the heck do you get pigtails to look even. What am I going to say when she is eight and tells me she has a boy friend. How come hot pink dark pink and light pink don’t always go together. I have bought tampons in the store by myself before, but how am I going to explain how to use them when they are teens. Birds and the bees... shotgun, home schooled, grounded. I still have a few years for some of this thank God. To many things running through my head and three months to mentally prepare myself for it. A life time to enjoy.

:P~ entry # 1

2005-08-25T04:13:00.001-07:00

Here goes. I made this so I can post some pictures and tell every one a little about me. I am 28 and have been in the US Army for 9 years. For the last 6 months I have been stationed in Iraq and will be coming home in 6 months. I am separated and have two girls 3 and 5. I am getting custody of them when I get back to the states. I have moved around a lot in my life but I spent most of my time in south Texas (God Bless It) and Seattle Washington. I will be getting out of the Army soon so I can raise my girls. They thing that scares me the most is not being a good father to them. So if you have tips for being a single parent im all ears.